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My tattytew and the love behind it.

As the majority of you know, I had received my first tattoo last month. What the majority of you don't know is that there is actually MEANING behind that little turquoise elephant with the hearts coming out of it's trunk. Some of you call it stupid, some of you call it cute, but I see it as faith and reassurance. It's something that is going to stay with me for the rest of my life, and I am damn proud of it. It's in a place where it's easily visible to the eye so everyone can see it. So everyone can ask what it means to me. And I am more than glad to tell that story every time, but I just figured that I should record these feelings somewhere, so I chose here [:

It's in honor of my Grandma Eve. She's still alive folks, so no need to worry lol! My Granma loves loves loves loves elephants and I knew that I would want to get a tattoo in her honor some day. She's always been a part of my life, regardless of distance and the time change. She'd always tell us that she loved us and that we should never shoot for anything less of what we really want. My Grandma was always the one to literally be at my side helping me through some of the toughest tribulations that I've ever been through. I find it remarkable that she's always kept me sane haha. Sure she'd have her moments when she was mad at all of us, but she never let it go on for more than a few hours.

Here is her story. We've all had our tribulations and obstacles in life. Some let their past get the best of them, others live on. My Grandma is one of the few that live on and don't look back and when she does, it's just a reminder on how those moments made her into a better person. As most of you know, I'm Filipino and both sides of my family are from the Philippines. My Grandma got married, had my mom, had my uncle Willy, and had my other uncle Daniel. I don't know exactly what happened but, my blood Grandpa from my Mother's side had passed away when my Mom and Uncles were still kids. I believe shortly after or a bit before that, my uncle Daniel passed when he was just a kid, no more older than the age of six I want to say. I don't think that I could ever bear the thought of losing both my husband and child at such an early time into the relationship. Down the road, she had also met my Auntie Karen's father but that just didn't work out I suppose. However, those two remain on really good terms.

A few years go by and my Grandma meets this man, my Auntie Shelia's dad. He was in the United States Navy and I guess he was in the Philippines for some Naval work when they met. They ended up getting married and headed over to the United States...without my my Mom, Uncle, and Aunt. For me to hear that breaks my heart. I don't think that I could ever feel the amount of guilt that my Grandma had. I know that deep down, she had to do what she had to do in order to at least try and get them to the states, to better their lives. You know that in some point of our lives, we get ourselves into something that we don't think will negatively alter our original thoughts about it...but they do. My Granma married this guy, not knowing that he'd end up being the person he really turned out to be... one bad cookie. Like one of those nasty ones you'd get at some revolting bakery... T__T. During the course of their marriage he was a control freak. He wouldn't let her out of the house, wouldn't let her interact with the neighbors, wouldn't let her talk to her family that much, say how much he hated Filipinos (even though he married one?), and I believe at some point he had slashed the tires on her bike so she wouldn't be able to ride around. Even though those were enough indications already for a divorce she still pulled through. She ended up getting pregnant and had my Aunt. I don't feel it's quite my place to discuss what happened to my aunt or my Granma during that time span but let's just say that marriage ended with a restraining order.

With the guilt, coping with a divorce, and a sense of loneliness...my Granma still didn't give up. I believe after the marriage she had moved in with my Granma Rose, her husband, and their daughter my Aunt Erica. During those months, or so I am assuming, she had met my Granpa Bob at a bowling alley! I'm not quite sure how that worked out, but I am sure glad that it did. I am not an advocate of luck, so I wouldn't call that a lucky moment. My Granmother deserved, she needed him to help patch her back up. My Granpa Bob is one phenomenal man. After marrying my Granma, taking the responsibility of caring for my Aunt, and finally bringing my Mom, Uncle, and Aunt (well as for my aunt, it took a few years to get her here) to the United States he was the one that made impossible possible. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here...completely nonexistent.

After I heard all of that when I was growing up, I realized that I should never hold myself back, seek for anything less, and that I shouldn't let obstacles weigh me down or the others around me. Regardless of the situation I am to be placed in. Another thing is that there are so many things in life worth waiting for, it's just all in the matter of having faith in it. Believing that it's going to happen, knowing that in the near future...things will fall into place. Like right now, I'm waiting for something I really want. I can't have it all right now but I am sure that one day the work and wait will pay it all off. My Granma had faith for what lied for her ahead, she waited...but worked while she waited for it.

It just comes to show, that you should never lose faith in something that you have so much heart, love, and compassion in. And waking up, seeing my little blue elephant reminds me of that every day.

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only_hindsight
May. 9th, 2009 04:21 am (UTC)
=)


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