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Okay, so a lot has been going on for the past two days. Enough to make me want to vomit. First off, let me tell you this. I am a vegetarian and have been for at least four months or so. Meat wasn't too great for me when I did eat it, as a matter of fact it made me feel kind of disgusting. I never liked touching it when I had to cook with it nor did I ever really crave for it. I guess just the fact that it was once a living creature and that it's blood was seeping out of the meat grossed me out. I've considered vegetarianism for some time now but never really thought that I could do it. I mean, it's almost impossible to find Filipino vegetarians such as myself since a lot of our cultures food do include many meat products, but there are some that do exist...very little, but there is some and alternatives. Anyways back to the story...

So yesterday I went to the Asian market with my mom and sister. I haven't been there in awhile so I thought it would be alright. So we walk in and the first thing you smell is that STRONG and I mean REALLY STRONG smell. Mixtures of fruits, vegetables, spices, fish, and whatever else they had stocked in that store. I don't know how they get away with it, but geeeeeze that place is FILTHY. There are posters that were there since I had first visited the place which was a good 6 years ago, there were dark spots in some places O.O, and the shopping carts were P.O.S's. But get this, that wasn't the worst part. So as my mom and I go make our way through the vegetables we reach the area where they butcher and "clean" the fish. Out of all of the times that I have previously been there I either just ignored it or walked right past the area. But this time I didn't luck out and had to wait near the cart.

As I watch several individuals line up to get some fish, I observe the three guys doing the dirty work. What they would do is that they would get the fish that the customers wanted, skin them with some tool that clamps on to the skin and you clench it and rip it back (gah it was so heart breaking to watch and I imagined them doing that to me, which made me feel crummy), scrape out the unwanted guts, and just mercilessly chop up the carcass of the fish. I simply started tearing up after seeing this, I mean really seeing this for the first time. Just to think that an animal and it's last moments on this earth consisted of once being free (either that or being bred on a farm) and it getting a blow to the head or electric shock. Some were being spared so they could be sold as "live catch" which to me in my opinion is bull shit. The live fish are contained in an area that is like 20ft by five with a height of 4 feet with water that was a murky greenish-brown. How is that going to make it anymore appetizing? Anyways, back to what I was talking about. Well the area itself was filthy and disgusting. Never in my life have I ever seen such unsanitary conditions in a grocery store. Dark spots which were more than likely the blood were all over, the back board at the area they were chopping at was yellow, water was getting drained into some nasty container which I'm sure led to some sewage system, and the scales they used were so bloody...probably blood that has been there since either the morning or probably the whole week who knows...only they do. Just watching it reminded me why I am staying vegetarian. I've been upset about it for the past two days already. Nor will I ever want to go back to the place but if there is any way that I can report the uncleanliness of the store, by god I'll do it.

Another topic that's been bothering me is the seal clubbing in Canada and in some parts of Europe and Russia. It's one of the most upsetting things I've seen. Baby seals as old as three months are getting clobbered at the head. Those fluffy little white seals are getting butchered for fur coats and their meat. That is so revolting. Watching that video made me so glad to be vegetarian. Because I really don't want to take part in any of it. It's unethical, completely degrading to the human race due to the fact that they are inhumanely beating the living crap out of a helpless animal, and that fact that it's still a baby...it never even got to really live.

Please, I beg of you to help me fight this. Both cases. We are not the only inhabitants of this earth. We share it with many beautiful creatures and just because we are "the dominant species" it doesn't give us the right to do these things to animals. It's just like a dictatorship, whatever we say goes. That goes for the animals, they don't have any say on what happens to them...we do. But there's a beauty behind it, there are some individuals who can fight against those who abuse and inhumanely kill animals. All I ask is that you take part in the battle against this.

Oh and these poor Koi D: http://cbs11tv.com/local/koi.fish.killed.2.943849.html
So, quite a few of you have been asking me about my future goals and where I want to be when I progress more into the music industry. Well, you might want to sit your butts down for this, grab a cup of tea (or if I were you a cup of orange soda), and simply enjoy the words that I'm about to put in to this journal.

First off, let me tell you how I feel about reaching my dreams. Let's just say, they are one of the only few things that keep me going on in life and one of the few things that I can personally can call my own. I know that we all strive for something in our lives, but why do the majority of us hold back and not want to go for what we want? Not only are they things that we dream of, but they are also things we can successfully achieve.

Every dream has a beginning and during every dream there are goals. The goals are there to set a firm foundation for your dream. Once you knock out each goal that you've achieved, it's only natural to go to the next goal to get an inch closer to the next step. My first step was promoting. I started doing that roughly around the age of 14-15. It all started on the website that we all know/love/hate...myspace. My newly found friends at the time, Otenki, got me into it. I started posting bulletins about them, telling kids at school, and doing some street team work. When I kept on doing this I had realized how passionate I was about it. So as the years passed I started getting more and more into it. As time grew on I started to find other bands to promote as well. I'd always listen before I'd add them, talk to them to figure out their personalities (to see if they seemed genuine or not), and to plainly see if I liked them. It started off as a hobby and now has become one of my major jobs. I started to use my networking skills even more and started to book shows around Houston and the surrounding areas. This is where step two comes into the picture.

I worked for a venue called Cyber Smoothies for a good half a year. I attained the position as their promoter/booking agent by a friend of mine named Fausto in the band Otenki. I was quite shocked when I had received a call from my now former venue manager. He asked me to come in and talk to me, so I did. It seemed like a great opportunity to grab, since not that many people my age are able to get this position. So I jumped before thinking and agreed to take on the job. With this opportunity at hand, I was able to learn about first hand decision making and was able to experience a different work environment that practiced interesting (and I say that in the most sarcastic way as possible, simply because I never fully agreed with the majority of how things were handled at this venue) business ethics. They would end shows early, not let me book when I wanted to book a show, lack of available employee's, only had one ethical manager, and it was just a big mess. Yet, I did learn a great deal from that place, one thing in particular. I NEVER in my life want to own and/or work for a venue that ran like Cyber Smoothies.

Step Three is the current step that I'm in right now that I've just barely started. I want to be a band/tour manager. I love guiding people, thinking of the best solution for things, figuring out the best for people, being on the road with close friends, and just being around the same environment but this time with a different role. Managing has been on my mind for quite some time now and I figured that I minus well get a start at it. I mean I already have previous experience in booking shows but now this time I'm just mainly focusing one specific artists. This is still a gray area at least for right now since I am learning along the way. But from what I know I can use what I've learned from booking previous shows for tours.

Here's probably the one I'm most excited about. I really want to own my own music venue! Step Four is going to be a tricky one, but it'll help me with a lot of what owning a label comes out of. I know that I'm going to have to be financially stable with this, but I know that starting a venue will make things better. I have come to realize that many venues now a days don't support local acts, which is a big problem in my eyes. Because all bands have to hail from somewhere and I think it's absolute crud if their hometown isn't willing to back them up. First of all, regardless of how much the venue makes that night, no venue should have any reliable excuse to shut down a show, regardless of the crowd size. If you just know that the band didn't work or promote at all, then just simply don't book them again but if it's a touring band and the crowd is less than ten my god let them play. They obviously drove all the way over there for a reason and are obviously touring because they love what they do. But the main factors that I want out of my venue are that I want to make sure that I have the most ethical standards as possible. I don't want bands getting ripped away from playing, I want to make sure that touring bands get fed, and I just want the environment to be enjoyed by everyone. From those who go to shows, they know that it's like a safe haven away from home. A place to get your mind off of things, a place where you can enjoy music, a place where you are away from the sickening world, and finally be in a place that's for fun, life, and music. Many places have forgotten the true meaning behind it and only stay open for the business aspects, but as for me I want to stay true to myself about my decision on how I would like to run it.

As for step five, the last and final step... owning a label. This has been a dream of mine for years. Probably after I had realized that I loved doing promoting, booking, and the fact that I find marketing an extremely interesting thing (took it in high school, one of my favorite classes!). And as the years have gone by I noticed that bands and artists were getting ripped off by a bunch of labels, both independent and major. They was still a lack there of money for touring, they weren't getting their fair share of the profit, they didn't really have a say on what goes and what doesn't, and to me one of the most important things they weren't medically insured. Reason being I want them medically insured is because health is a big factor when it comes to performing. If you're hurt, you can't play right? You would honestly think that a label would take care of their bands but you clearly don't see that in most cases. I want to change that. I want my bands and artists to be taken care of, I want the promotion being done, I want them to get their fair share in the profit, I expect the best from them and for them, I want to make sure that things get done, and more importantly I want them to feel like they are being fairly appreciated for all of their hard work. I'm not going to spill how I want it to happen simply because I'd like to keep that to myself, just something that I want to surprise the world with...and partially because I don't want any of you to steal the ideas lmao.
Many of you might ask why I'm taking these steps and why I'm doing the label at the very end. The simple answer to that is that i want to live my life while I'm still young while still gaining experiences and memories from each and every step. I want to live out my life in the music business, covering as much ground and situations as much as possible. I don't want to be the head of a label and not be able to advise someone in my company with not knowing what to do. I want to be able to educate my employees and tell them what I think is best for their situation, because I've been there before. Not only do I want to be their boss, but also be a mentor, a lending hand, and a friend.

This is my dream, how I want it to go, and I am NOT going to let anything get in the way of it.


<3 Jacky

I want my goals to live reality

You know those nights that you have when something just triggers your mind and all you can think about is everything else but the present? Well, I'm having one of those moments. This is probably one of my more serious blogs but I just cant help but cry right now. This has just been building up inside my lil asian body and I just feel the need to get everything out right now. I want to tell you that I feel very unsatisfied with myself. I feel like that I really need to pick up my pieces and start re-evaluating my steps to achieving my goals.

I've been lethargic, whiny, and I feel as if I haven't held my head in the game. Like, I'm running in the game, but I'm letting the obstacles and tricks fool me and try to steer me off my flight course. I can't believe that I let it go on for awhile but there is nothing I can do about it now but learn from it once again. I just need to pick myself up, brush off my knees and shoulders, and continue running towards the goal. I know in my mind that I should never give up on it, regardless of the current feeling right now.

I've also come to realize that I have been REALLY holding back on a lot of my potential. I know I have the skills to do a big show...but why have I haven't done it yet? What has been holding me back? I'm usually the one to go for things right away without questions asked but...was it because something was telling me to just wait? Or was it the fear of failure? Both? Who knows. It just feels as if something was forcing me to wait, whether it be one or the other or maybe even a combination of both. But all I can say is...now I am ready. I am not going to spill any details on here however, but you can expect to hear big things...really big things.

Here's were the positiveness comes in... I can and WILL change and get my head back in the game. Only this time it's going to be more driven, inspired, and headstrong! I can't let my dreams slip through the small, minuscule, moments such as this. Feelings like this are supposed to happen. With the only reason being is because things like this make us as individuals stronger. Hard emotions come with a prize at the end, but only the willing are the ones that dare to over come the hard times and learn from them. Thank you.

We Can Go Anywhere, Are You There?

So, I'm typing out of mere aimlessness. I just had some urge to jot down something, whether it be a story or a short passage. I've been in this mood a lot lately. Like as if it were some calling. Well, I don't know if I've said anything about this or not, but I'm taking this semester off to save up for school. Funny how that works out huh? Well anyways, I guess that could be the reason why I'm typing something in here. I don't want to lose contact with writing something. I have always enjoyed writing papers and reports. Probably the only thing that I didn't have a problem with at school and possibly the only reason I loved English.

I've also been keeping up with my vegetarianism! I'm quite proud about that, it's something that I haven't given up on nor even had thoughts of ever giving it up. I really do plan on staying this way for the rest of my life. My diet is a bit healthier, I feel a whole lot better, and I feel the sense of accomplishment about something. I'm also thinking about ways to get more money. My job is bitching and wont give me more hours, get paid minimum wage (even though I have a butt load of work experience), and it just isn't enough especially since I'm taking semester off. I was thinking about working at the Old Navy or Petco near my neighborhood. I was also thinking of making purses again and selling them! That was always successful, I don't know why I had stopped, I had orders coming in left and right! Well, that's a big idea that I will do.

Anyways, it was good jotting a few things down. I've been so mentally heavy lately, as in I had so many thoughts floating around in my mind. The capacity of my mind holds a lot but it's small things that I need to get off of my chest that bug me haha. I will write more tomorrow, let's see how this goes.

The Next 3 Hours...Commercial Free!

So it's the new year and as cliche as it is...I guess this can be a clean slate for me. 2008 was filled with a bunch of interesting mishaps and tribulations however, it only spiced up my life. I'll tell you right now that 2008 did have a perfect ending! That year gave me a crap load of doubt but as it reached it's end, a beacon of light towards hope shined through the already dusty and broken window called my life. I met new people, re-united with old friends, and just an over all feeling of relief.

So, my cousin Lina and I took a whole day to re-arrange my hell of a room about a week ago. It still has a bit of stuff here and there but for the most part, it's all organized. I'm sad to say that she is no longer here in Texas. A cleaner room is a nice thing I guess, I feel a lot more organized. This sounds extremely off topic, but I find new year resolutions full of shit. Shouldn't we always be trying to better ourselves every single day? I mean, kudos to anyone who wants to start over, but I can guarantee you that the good amount of people who start "new year resolutions" don't keep them. But yes, moving along...

Okay, so Twilight...needs to stop coming out with more books and movies. That's it. No explanation behind that.
So this morning started off interesting, but I'm not one to get into details lol [: But anywho! I just felt like updating my LJ because I feel as if I've been neglecting it, when I promised that I would keep up with it.

Nothing really happened to day, I actually slept through 3/4ths of it! I actually woke up with a locked jaw and had to pop it back into place -___- reason why it came out of place in the first place is due to the fact that I have the knack to grind my teeth when I sleep. I really should stop that haha. But argh, these past few days have been amazing. I can't say the exquisite details but, they just were (:

There's Only So Much I Can Say,

And that's only because there is so much to say about you. You asked me earlier last night/this morning how I felt about you and what you mean to me. Honestly, you mean a lot to me and I don't think that words can do any justice whatsoever to explain how amazing you are. There are two types of people in this world that describe the ones in your life, one are the kind of people that you could care less about and the others are the ones who you hold close to your heart. Matthew darling, you're one of the few people that I do hold close to my heart, forever and always.

I know that we've been talking for such a short time, but during the past few month or so, I've never felt so much closer to one person in a long time. Through all of the worst bullshit that I've been placed in, you were there to help me get through it and the cope with it. I was always made sure that you were here for me and that I could always confide and have trust in you. It's so damn hard to find a guy like you or even a person that has the same views as I. I find it so amazing that you want to live out your dreams and go for them! It's a beautiful, but at the same time a hard thing to actually go for, and you're actually going for it. Not too many do that anymore, and as you and I both agree on having no backups, you go for it will all your heart. It's the rare good hearted people such as yourself that motivate and inspire continue what I do.

Just to remind you, I'll never let you give up. Ever. I know that deep down inside how bad you want your dreams to come true, and I'll always be there right by your side to help you make sure that you pull through with it 100%. I won't let you fall through, I won't lose faith in you, and I won't let you lose faith in yourself.

To describe and to put into words how you make me feel whenever I talk to you, it's impeccable. I can't help but smile all the time when I talk to you, it just makes me happy, happier then I've ever been. Every little thing that you say makes me feel so comfortable and makes me feel alive again. I thought I had lost that a long time ago, but somehow you brought it back. I used to be sooo nervous to talk to you, but now I'm so comfortable it's amazing! And just hearing your voice brings my heart at ease. I know that I can forget what's going on with the rest of the world when I talk to you. I can forget that annoying rants that my mother is spitting at me or just the insanity that's going on with the rest of the nation. I can sense that you're words are indeed genuine and that you mean every single word you say. I can only wait to hear them on the day you say it to me face to face (:

As these words that are being generated through my mind and heart and being processed on this page, I can't help but think on how fortunate I am to be in your life. Your smile, your eyes, the way you look at me,...your everything brings butterflies to my tummy. I apologize for having this blog sounding so rant-ish but I was spilling out every word by heart and how I felt at that specific moment. You're amazing, don't you ever forget it, and don't you ever deny it!

<3

Tags:

Yes of course it can, but man right now, life feels so amazing! I cant help but think of all of the amazing people in my life and how we've stumbled upon meeting each other. It's the small things like that, that progress into something big and beautiful. On the other note, things with my job are getting better, I have my last show at Cyber January 4th, so I'm totally stoked for that. The stress has been lifted off of my shoulders and I am able to breathe again! Oh the liberation haha.

I really don't know write, so if it sounds as if I'm totally rambling...I apologize in advance lol. Well, I've been waking up late, it has now become one of my daily things. Fall asleep wayyyyy late and wake up wayyyyy late. It's quite horrible now that I think about it. It makes me feel that I've lost a connection with the real world or something. My hours are off and I seem to "miss out" on a lot. I guess that's just one of the many things that I need to improve on. Oh! I've also brought back my music journalism project back to life. The Canvas News is what it's called :D we have some big name's that are going to get interviewed by us so WATCH OUT! I have a good feeling about this too, like, it doesn't feel like a side project. It feels like it's going to be something that's going to stick with me, along with promotion and managing! Also, I've been thinking about the people that I've ever encountered that have ever doubted me in any way. To all of those people who've ever talked crap, to the people who mad doubted me before and calling me a "fake and/or weak promoter", and to those who've never believed in me in the first place, this is a BIG fuck you. Because for the first time, I can honestly say that I'm reaching my goals and proving you all wrong.

On the other note, I've been really happy, like REALLY happy! So far, I haven't let anything get me down and I haven't let anything get in the way. I've been so persistent with what I'm doing. For once, I don't feel like I'm at some cross road. I feel as if I'm gradually accomplishing what I want to do. People have been making me happy as well. Things with my family are starting to get better...my step dad and I are talking again, my mom still can be a beezy but that doesn't matter because I just don't care about that anymore lol, my best friend and I are having the time of our lives (at least in my opinion), and I've started talking to this amazing guy named Matt...which there is something about him that just totally makes everything better. I've come to realize that there are those types of people that walk into your lives without expecting so, and I'd have to say that Renu (my best friend) and Matt are one of the two. It's the unexpected things that make life all the better because they come at times when you need them the most. Those are the times when you think you're alone...when you really aren't. There is always someone that's about to come in and make your life worth it. Since I've talked about the people who doubted me, now it's time to talk about the people that have believed in me. I just want to say thank you and that I love you all! Without your support, my dreams would be broken and would be harder to reach. People that motivate me and believe in me are the ones that really keep me going...like to be honest, I'd feel so damn broken if each and everyone of you were non-existent.

So there you have it, a bit of what's been going on. It's a lot, but that's what makes things richer. It's some of the stressful and extremely lively/happy moments in life that make the story just a bit better (:

Our Voices are Meant to be Heard

So I was reading the October 2008 Alternative Press mag, only with high expectations of finding more political opinions since the 2008 election was drawing near. I know that I'm writing this a bit after the election, but I wanted to get two simple points across. The issue about musicians getting involved in politics and the feeling I had after finding out that Mr. Barack Obama, or shall I now say President Barack Obama, won (:

I'm an avid reader of the Poll section in the mag and was greatly pleased to see something about musicians and politics. I love music, it's my passion, my life, and truly something that I'm going to have for the rest of my life. On the other hand, politics was always something that fascinated me and kept me in tune with the rest of the world. First and foremost, I believe that all musicians have every right to be involved in politics as much as they want. Their opinions about daily events affect the outcome on who they are as people and more importantly, what they feel is expressed through their music. It astounded me the most when I read that kids think that musicians should stay out of politics. That's like saying, "You cant write or produce songs like that because they are not in, you can not have this in your song, and you can't say that your performance is dedicated to Jesus Christ because not everyone finds it acceptable, etc. etc." They are Americans like you and I, and they have the right to let themselves get involved in their duties of being a citizen. It comes off as heinous and more of all astounding to see that kids believe that their fellow idols should shun away their political stand point. Their voices are meant to be heard. It's like, didn't our musical roots in punk rock derive from singing about the issues that are going on in the world?

In regards to Obama winning, I would be more than glad to give that man a high five! I believe that he has a lot to offer to this country... a possible change in the direction that this country is headed. There are some that say that his views are radical and socialist. From what I can understand is that the way things are going right now aren't well or to be more correct economically situated and resolved. We as a nation have been digging in a hole for 8 years and we got so far down, it's going to be a pain in the ass to crawl back up. But what I dont understand is the fact that people dont realize that the solutions that our government had were obviously not good enough, so obviously with some common sense, we have to try new solutions to fix the issue. I believe that so many people are scared to try new things, even though all of us deeply do seek for change. But we cant achieve and strive for change if we just roll with what we have been rolling with for the past 8 years or more. So all i'm just saying is give the man a chance. Hear him out, see what he will do, and try to see from his point of view. I think that he'll be promising, and better yet, an amazing President.

RIGHT ON!

Today is the day, evidently

Even though I am not voting in this election (and no children it is not because I don't favor any of the delegates, it's due to the fact of my procrastination and lack of memory when it came to registering!), I still feel the need to express how I feel about this glorious opportunity that is given to us as individuals and as citizens of the United States of America.

I have come across my good share of bulletins of people expressing their opinions about both McCain and Obama. However, one seemed to really stun me and at the same time baffle me on how a person can view just one person with many and plenty incorrect statements and absurd bias's. Oh and yes, I failed to mention that they were all headed towards Mr. Obama. It's one person to state their opinions but it's another to completely defame and basically spill out bullshit. I'm usually never one to also say this but, people have not taken the gift of a brain and using it. My fucking goodness.

Today is just starting though...I'm pretty sure that I'll hear more comments about the election today in my classes...it is bound to happen haha!